Last Thoughts
by HP000
Summary: Harry and Hermione. Depressing. Read and REVIEW with compliments or critisism. Whatever.


Here I am again. Dark, quiet, alone. I've been hiding up here all night, hoping that by the time I decide to come out, it will all be forgotten. How could I make such a fool out of myself? What was I thinking? I can't be like this anymore though. I'm through.

Searching through my pockets I can't find the pack of cigarettes that I'd bought earlier. "Fuck," I yell, as the last call comes over the loudspeaker. I have to leave soon. And I'll have to face her. I should have never even gone up to her, its been so long since I've seen her, seen him. After our last year at school, everything changed. I lost my two best friends to each other. I never wanted to be the third wheel, but I couldn't help but feel like I was. What have I done.? Okay, its time to go out.

I've only taken a few steps out of the bathroom when she spots me. "Harry!" she yells, "Please, come talk to me." She grabs my hand. Sparks fly up my arm and to my heart and I try to choke back the words I've been longing to say. The alcohols affects are starting to wear off and I'm coming to my senses.

"No," I manage to say, "I've got to go."

She tugs at my hand, and I look at her, she's hardly changed since school.

"I think you should go back to Ron, he must be wondering where you are." I shake off her hand, and make my way towards the door.

"Harry, please, Ron already left. I want to talk to you. I miss you." Ours eyes meet and I can see the sincerity behind them. "Please?" Her voice begs now.

"Alright, where should we go?" I ask, hoping it'll be someplace public, to ease my growing nervousness.

"A walk, lets go on a walk I need…fresh air," she says wearily, then stumbles drunkenly.

We walk in silence for about a block, the tension is thick, and I decide to be brave and break it.

"So, what is new with you?" I ask casually.

"New? Harry, there is so much to tell you! I haven't seen you in what, five, six years?" She thinks for a moment, then turns to me. "I want to hear about you, Harry. How come you haven't returned any of my owls?"

"To tell the truth, I've given up on magic, on that world. I mean, I still have Hedwig, but I don't use her or anything anymore. I live as a muggle, in a muggle apartment, in a muggle neighborhood."

She looks incredulously at me, making me feel even more nervous.

"Given up on magic? How can you do that? You went to school for seven years. You were a powerful wizard!"

"I knew you wouldn't understand. Maybe as I'm getting more older I'm growing more cynical, but when I look back, what has magic actually done for me? It's caused me heartache and caused me to lose some of the people that I love the most."

She studies my face for a few moments, as if to tell whether or not I'm telling the truth.

"Harry, I can't believe you. Magic hasn't done anything for you? That's bull. It got you out of your aunt and uncles house, and opened your eyes to a whole knew world. You defeated Voldemort. You made it safe again." She sighs, "You really are different. I never thought you'd end up this way."

For a moment I'm shocked. Hermione had always raised her voice to me, but now, it was different. Hidden just below the surface of her voice was pain, disappointment, hurt. It made my heart break.

She glances at her watch. "I've got to go Harry. Ron will be worried. I'd like to keep in touch with you though…if its alright. I…do miss you. No matter how you've changed."

Tears well up in her eyes and I want to grab her, hold her. Tell her I love her. She reaches up to brush away the tears and the street light catches on her hand, on a ring. She catches me looking, then quickly puts her hand down.

"Are you and Ron-" I begin to say, but she cuts me off.

"We're engaged. Actually we are getting married in a month. I'd like you to come to the wedding. I think Ron would like it too."

God, I think I can actually feel my heart break.

"I'd like to Hermione, its just that I'm busy. I don't think I can make it." I don't think she'll believe me.

"Oh…well. I understand. I guess I'll just see you around Harry." She looks sad. I think I've made her cry.

I walk away without saying good bye. I've left her there. And with each step I take I feel less unsure about the way I treated her.

I can't remember walking home. But when I get there, I realize I've locked myself out of my second story apartment. Its not my lucky day. I look around the storage closet and find a rope. I negotiate the tree that runs up against the house, and suddenly I'm far up enough, but there isn't a branch close enough to the window. I tie the rope to the branch I'm sitting on, figuring I can jump to my window, and if I should fall, the rope would secure me. So I make a lasso and slip into it around my waist. After a few tries jumping, I go for it. Sadly, my attempt failed and I was holding myself up on the ledge, my feet dangling about me.

I vow to myself to never drink again. Then suddenly, my hand slips and I'm falling, but something has caught me, the rope. Its slid up my body and now I'm choking, gasping for air.

A scream. Loud and shrill. A girls. Hermiones. As I fade out of consciousness, I have a fleeting thought. _I wish she would swing with me_.

Okay. I think I'll get a lot of hate for this. But LEAVE REVIEWS and make me happy.


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